


Love Letters

by borntosik



Category: My Mad Fat Diary
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-14 20:30:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7189028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/borntosik/pseuds/borntosik
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Someone keeps leaving romantic and friendly notes in Rae’s locker, even though she doesn’t have any clue about who could possibly be.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

After a long and boring English class with Miss Francis, she exits the room and walks through the large corridor of Stamford Technical College. Monday classes are always shit, in part because she’s tired from the weekend and Chloe is asleep for half of them, so she has to pay attention to prevent further boredom.

She follows their classmates until she stops in front of her locker. She unlocks it with her key and when she opens the door, a note falls to the floor. She kneels to pick it up. Rae knows what it says; she's been receiving similar notes in her locker for a few days. They all appear to be from the same person, but she didn't know who.

 _'Those knobheads don’t know how amazing you are.'_  

“What’s that?” Chloe says from beside her, staring at Rae’s hands.

“Nothing. Just notes.”

She crumples the paper in her fist and puts it in her jacket, taking the book she’ll need after the break and follows Chloe. She analyzes both sides of the corridor, trying to figure out who might be sending the notes but she doesn't have a clue. Archie and his mates are chatting in front of the laboratory. She discards the idea of them throwing notes in her locker. Liam, sitting on the bank, couldn’t have done it. They’re friends, but they’re not that close.

While walking towards the main doors of the school with her best friend, she recalls in her mind about the weekend. The note is clear. It must be someone that saw her two days ago with those twats from Stamford. As usual, Big G being a knob-head with his knob-head mates.

Going back home after therapy had been a long journey, followed by them calling her names in front of half the population of Lincolnshire.

“You alright babes?” Chloe asks when she realizes Rae’s not been paying attention to her monologue of James’ muscles in P.E.

“Good, yeah.” She reacts, sitting in the shadow of one of the oldest trees around.

“Are you bothered about that note?” She points at one of Rae’s pockets, raising an eyebrow.

“Must be some dickhead making fun of me… It’s alright.”

“Sure?”

“All under control.” She finishes the conversation by opening her bag and playing her new Smiths album on her Discman.

 

 

 

 

' _You are cute when you laugh.'_

She reads the next papers, locked in her diary for weeks now.

' _Your taste in music is mint! Would like to show you some tunes…'_   

 _'When I thought we hadn’t so much in common, I realize you like Oasis.'_  

She keeps reading the notes she’s been accumulating for the last three weeks and wonders who the fuck writes them.

_'I wish I’d had the balls to ask you out, but I’m out of your league.'_

Out of her league? She thought when she first read the piece of paper. She thinks the same now. She doesn’t have a league, she's in the fucking Vauxhall Conference. She doesn't believe it’s possible for someone to think about her in a romantic way. Boys don’t see her that way.

' _You couldn’t possibly like me, though that doesn’t stop me from thinking about you all the time.'_

Thinking about her.....?

She kind of likes receiving notes like that one, although she doesn’t believe any of it. Who is he trying to fool?

_'You are a beautiful person. In and out.'_

Her cheeks burn in an instant. She kind of fantasizes the one sending her notes is a much younger Damon Albarn. One that goes to college with her. She’s just a sixteen year old girl with desires and hope.

 

 

 

 

Rae opens the door to the pub, taking a glance of the crowd in front of her, drinking and having fun on a Friday night out. The gang is sitting in their usual spot, beside the bar. She approaches them and sits in the remaining chair, taking her jacket off and grabbing some coins from the right pocket of her trousers.

“Next one’s on me, Rae.” Finn says whilst standing up and walking towards the bar and ordering the next round of drinks for the whole table.

She doesn’t answer him until he comes back with her beer. She gives him a soft smile and he answers her back with a wink.

Friday nights are always spent that way. Pints, a few shots and jokes. Loud music and games too.

An hour later, Rae pays for another beer and waits for Izzy to come back from the bathroom, although she’s not sure she’s returning back any time soon as she’s seen Chop following her to the loo. Chloe’s been dancing with a much older lad than her for the last fifteen minutes and Archie is choosing the next song in the jukebox.

“How’s everything?”

She turns her head around to watch Finn staring at her, taking a sip of his drink.

“Mhn?” He doesn’t repeat the question. “Good, I suppose…”

“College alright?” He lowers his eyes, entertaining himself rolling a cigarette.

“Yeah. A bit stressed because of exams, but everything’s okay.” She takes a long sip to her drink and asks him the same. “You?”

“Could be much better…” He guides his eyes to her face once again and drives the side of the paper to his lips, licking with the tip of his tongue the glued paper and closes it all with his fingers at once. Seconds later, he’s sucking at the filter and breathing it in.

“Oh…”

They fall into silence again, watching the movement of the pub, jumping at the sound of The Prodigy through the jukebox. Archie doesn’t come back because Chloe grabs him by the hand and dances with him for the next three songs. They chat with a couple of lads, more interested in Archie’s interests than Chloe’s. Rae laughs inwardly at the sight of those two and finishes her drink, watching Finn from the corner of her eye.

“What’s in your head?” She moves a couple of chairs away and sits beside him, bumping his shoulder with her own.

“Nowt.”

“I don’t believe you…”

He rolls a new ciggy but she stops him from burning it.

“Don’t you think you’ve smoked enough tonight?” She points at his packet of tobacco and furrows her brows. “We’ve been here for nearly hour and a half and you’ve already burnt 6… You okay, Finn?”

He shrugs, finally pressing his lips to the now burnt cigarette and gives her a quick gaze.  “Things at home aren’t going really well, actually.”

“Has something happened?” She says, although she kind of know he’s not going to tell her any of his stuff.

Finn is a reserved person who doesn’t like to talk about his private life to anyone. It’s sometimes hard for Archie to find out most of his things, even though they’re best friends. She doesn’t even know why she’s friends with him because she doesn’t really know him at all.

She learnt a few things about him, though. Despite being the last to join the gang, he’s given some of his personal secrets and thoughts; maybe that’s why they are mates. Maybe that’s why they understand each other.

“My Nan was operated on last week.”

She remembers him telling her that. His Nan wasn’t doing well and had to have an operation. Something related to her hip.

“Doctors have said she won’t get through rehabilitation.” He smokes half of the white stick in less than five puffs. “Her bones are too weak.”

“Oh shit…” She whispers against her hand and gives him a squeeze on his left one.

He smiles softly at her, dragging the last sip of his pint in his throat. Rae moves closer to him, passing an arm around his shoulders and gives him a tight hug. He rests his chin beside her beck and whispers a Thanks against her skin.

 

 

 

 

Monday again and a sleepy Rae walks through the different corridors in order to arrive at science class before the second alarm rings again. Has she said she HATES Mondays? Because she feels like she doesn’t say that enough.

She’s had a boring weekend at home, taking care of her baby sister, her nappies and her cries. She’s not in the mood for classes right now. She just wants to sleep.

She doesn’t pay attention to any word her teacher says. Rae starts drawing different patterns on the corner of the book and writing the lyrics of Layla in a piece of paper.

When the class is finally over, she walks like a zombie (the same way as her classmates) and goes to her locker. When she opens the door, a note lays on top of her jacket and she thinks of her new stalker.

How is it possible someone keeps leaving her notes without her noticing who it is? She has thought about Simmy or Macka, wanting to take the piss outta her but she’s realized they aren’t that smart and the kind of things the letters say don’t seem like their type.

Then, she reads it.

Two sentences. Two sentences that could mean something, everything.

_'I like talking to you, and I don’t like talking to anybody.'_


	2. Chapter 2

She became unnerved as the notes persisted for another two weeks. She was ready to go mental; well more mental than her certificate from the hospital proved.   The person could at least write their name or something. Tell her who they are so the whole situation can stop at some point.  So she could stop looking over shoulder; stop worrying about it.

She could tell her friends about what’s going on with that, but Rae assumes Chloe’s answers.

_‘_ _Oh Rae, don_ _’t be so dramatic. At least you have someone thinking about you while some of us are not getting any men attention…’_

Yes. Chloe would definitely say that. As if she could read her friend’s mind.

Once more, another note appears between her private things, although she doesn’t read it. She’s tired of it all. She takes the note in her fist and throws it when she finds a bin near her.

“Fuck you!” She whispers to the air.

Rae turns around, holding all her books and heads to the library in order to study for her last exams. When she arrives, the place is empty. Obviously. Who would be wasting their time studying in their free time when they could be outside smoking pot? Her.

Her eyes look for an empty table, away from the few stares around and sits at the end of the room. She switches the lamp on and opens her notebook, writing her first History essay.

“What’s up, Rae?” Archie surprises her from behind, taking a look at her book. “Need help? You know it’s my speciality.”

“Thanks Arch, but I’m fine.” She gives him her thumbs up, smiling softly at him and going back to her work. “I wouldn’t mind a hand with sociology, though.”

“When’s the exam?”

“In four days…” She writes a few notes on the corner of the book, pointing at some important paragraphs.

“Come over to mine later if you want. I’ll help you with that.” He points with his index finger at her books and gives her a wink before saying goodbye, asking her if she wants anything from the cafeteria.

“No, thanks.” She waves a hand at him without turning her face around and concentrates on her lectures again.

History is interesting, but boring as Hell. Dictatorships, World War II and its consequences all over Europe, Cold War… Suddenly, the chair in front of her is being pulled. That makes her raise her eyes at the one who disturbs her studying time.

“Oh, hiya…” She says, watching as Finn sits on the other side of the table.

“Alright?” He speaks, giving her a nod with his chin. He stays silent for a long minute, making her quite nervous and making impossible to concentrate again. “What are you doing?”

“Can’t you see?” She makes a circle with his finger, showing him all the material that’s been surrounding her for the past week. “Doing what you’ve supposed to be doing right now.” She laughs cheerfully, knowing full well he’s not going to study for his finals because he’s never been interested in going to Uni.

“Am I bothering you, here?”

She moves her head to her sides, denying.

“No…”

She gives him a brief smile and then, she turns the page over and begins another essay. She keeps staring at him every twenty seconds, as he doesn’t say much. He bites his nails. He always does.

“How’s your Nan?”

He stops biting before speaking, although he returns to his task when his sentence is finished.

“She’s doing well.” His eyes are fixed on the wood, and she imagines he’s playing with his boots under the table. “She seems… happy.” And he bites his nails once again.

“You have to be positive. She’s a strong woman, she’ll get through it. Trust me.” She takes his hand from his face and holds it, squeezing it carefully.

He nods, staring intently to their hands and breathes in. He unlocks their hands and watches her as she does her homework.

Three minutes later, all he can think about is the person that is in front of him. She always takes care of him. She worries about him and his problems. She doesn’t mind the sadness that sometimes radiates from him, because she knows how to get a smile from him or bring out the best of himself. He needs to catch her attention again.

“Keeping yourself busy?”

She smiles to herself, almost hiding it behind her dark long hair.

“Yeah, some of us like to do homework instead of listening to the new Weezer album. It’s much more interesting, don’t you think?”

“Did you buy it, in the end?”

“I had to steal money of my mum, but yeah.” She shushes her lips with her fingers, to maintain the secret between them. “But don’t say anything. She thinks I bought a book for school. Archie gave it to me a few days ago…” She winks at him, before returning to her job in the papers.

“Any plans for the weekend?”

“Study…”

“Anything else?”

“Don’t know. Why?”

“Just… Wondering if…” She furrows her lips, biting her cheek, awaiting for him to continue. “If you wanted to come over and listen to Weezer.  Anything, really.” He finishes with a shrug.

“I’ll have to ask my dozen of books first, but sounds interesting to me.” She replies with a quick nod and the conversation fades out. Her mind is fully concentrated on the amount of words spread out in front of her, so Finn decides not to her any longer. He watches her in silence, because he has nothing to do apart from that.

Suddenly, his eyes are fixed on her pencil case. It’s opened and some of her pens are inside, with a piece of paper. A piece of paper he knows full well because it’s from his notebook and that reminds him why he is in here, beside her. Was it the one from today? Did she read it? Finn tries to concentrate his mind in thinking something else. His classes, homework, his mates playing footie outside whilst the girls cheer them up with nice words… He doesn't even think about his ill Nan in hospital. It doesn’t work. He can’t stop the words coming from his mouth:

“When are you gonna give me an answer, Rae?” He asks, crossing his arms under his chest. His eyes instantly follow her face. She raises an eyebrow, in question.

“What?”

“You’ve heard me.”

“An answer to what?”

Is she kidding?

“Nothing…”

He shouldn’t have opened his big mouth. It’s not the moment, nor the place.

“That doesn’t look like nothing to me.” She stops what she’s doing and starts packing her pens inside the pencil case, making Finn nervous and excited and spurred on telling her.

“Cmon Rae, don’t be daft.”

“I have literally no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Isn’t it obvious? Am I not being obvious?”

“Could you be more specific?” She waits for his answer, although it never comes through his mouth as the bell rings and he stands up from his chair. “Finn…” She follows him with her eyes, without understanding his behaviour. “Finn!” She wants to go after him, but she has to pick up her things and come back to her class.

Her classes seem endless and her brain can’t keep more information. She needs to do an exam and press the reset button in herself, just in case some teachers decide to include more subject to their final exams.

The class finishes and she only has one class left, so she walks through the different corridors and stops in front of her locker. Every day the same fucking way. Another note lays there. She takes it in her hands after leaving her folder and books inside the small aluminium box and reads the damn paper.

_‘Sorry about before. I was being a total dickhead. Meet me at the football match after class.’_

Her eyes are wide open when she reads the note all over again. She moves to one side after some girls are waiting for her to finish with her stuff, so she rushes to lock the locker again and turns around. She sees him at the end of the corridor, steading himself against the wall with a foot pressed in it. He stares at her from afar too. The bell rings and he disappears from her sight. Again.

 


	3. Chapter 3

When the last bell rings in her classroom, she packs her things into her bag and slips her flannel on, taking a glimpse through the glass of the window. The floor is wet because of the rain and she has forgotten her umbrella and left it at home. Apart from that, she remembers she has some business to do with Finn. Because it was obvious that he was the one writing the letters, wasn’t it?

She spots him at the end of the corridor, beside his locker whilst grabbing his things. She wants to go after him, but he disappears and she wonders if he meant what he said in the note. Should she go to the football match? Are they supposed to meet there? _Today?_

Her eyes follow the sky, coloured grey and then, the end of the pitch. He’s nowhere to be seen and, with the special weather Stamford has to offer that day, she regrets walking without any sort of covering to the unknown.

“Finn?”

No response.

Maybe it wasn’t him. Maybe it is someone else and they want to make fun of her or whatever. Or maybe, the one that told her to wait for them here is at home because the joke is funny until you get soaked.

She sits on the stands beside the pitch and waits for a few minutes. She has hope it’s Finn who she’s waiting for and not someone else.

It’s raining again. It’s not a storm, but the wind is cold and the drops soak her clothes. Why did she have to wear just her flannel instead of her proper leather jacket?

“Here…” A warm jacket falls over her shoulders, followed by two big hands caressing her arms after she was covered properly. She doesn’t need to turn her head back. She knows exactly who it is.

“Hello…” She says, moving her bum to one side, leaving him some space on her right. Nevertheless, he sits beside her, brushing his knee against hers.

He puts the ciggie he had behind his ear to his lips, lighting it instantly; and when the smoke escapes his lungs, he speaks again.

“How’s it going, Mae?”

He doesn’t say anything else and that makes Rae feel nervous about him being there, beside her. She takes the chance she has his jacket on and put the sleeves on, zipping it because of the coldness.

“You sure you don’t need it? It’s quite cold.”

“You’re shivering…”

When the rain is becoming heavier, he opens his umbrella and holds it for the two of them, giving him the chance to get closer to her body, even more. He lights another cigarette, handing it to Rae and asking her with a shake of his chin.

“No, thanks.” She answers, shutting her mouth again.

Her eyes travel around his body, concentrating on figuring him out. They’ve been there for almost fifteen minutes together and she hasn’t got any conclusion of any kind. She has to say something.

“Finn…” He moves his head an inch, staring at her from the corner of his eyes, without saying anything. “The notes…”

“What about them?” He lit the stick in between his lips, sucking the filter and dragging all the smoke in.

Is she going to ask him? Is she prepared to hear it? From him?

“Are they yours?” The words leave her mouth without her consent. As always, her brain doing its thing.

He nods.

He _has_ nodded.

“All of them?” She needs to be sure. It’s now or never.

He takes a few seconds to respond, but he does; and the waiting kills Rae.

_“All of them, yeah.”_

She steals his ciggie from his hands and takes a long drag herself, coughing when she doesn’t breathe the smoke out properly.

“Easy, girl…” He laughs at her, brushing her back with his hand whilst his eyes are on her face. His grin makes her laugh too, almost forgetting their conversation.

“Why… Why did you?” She asks after a long pause staring at his profile. He bites his bottom lip, hiding a half smile.

“Isn’t it obvious?” His gaze falls to the wet floor, staring how the drops splash onto the hard floor beneath them. He tries to seam cool, but his reddened cheeks and ears are screaming for a cold shower right now.

“What is?”

“You hafta be kidding me…” He drops the cigarette to the floor and crushes it under foot when it’s finished and furrows his eyebrows at her. “It’s almost impossible you haven’t notice _‘em_ …”

“What are you talking about?” Now, it’s her the one raising an eyebrow at him.

“My feelings for you, Mae…”

She can feel her body buried in the sand, hidden under thousand rocks and burnt alive. Her face becomes like a can of Coke in an instant, feeling how her cheeks are literally burning her skin and bones.

“You don’t have feelings for me…”

It’s the only answer that comes to her mind. A reasonable one, because it can’t be. Finn has to be lying at her. Making fun of her, for sure.

“Why would I?”

“Those notes…”

She wants to know, ask, what was he thinking when he started sending her notes. Most of them were written in a friendly way, some of them being romantic, even. Her Rachel within wants to deny it, because it can’t be real. All those things happen in Hollywood romantic movies, not in real life.

He moves his body so he’s facing her, holding her gaze with his own and smiles softly at her, whispering those three little words.

“I like you.”

He moves even closer to her, leaning his chest a few inches against her arm, although she steps back. Her defense mechanism makes her think the worst, as they always do. Her thoughts against about love and feeling loved are often too depressing.

“You _can’t_ like me.” He nor anyone else. Because that’s the truth about herself, no one can like her like that. No matter what.

“Why not?”

“Because you can’t.”

Who is she trying to kid? Finn can’t like her. It’s not right. For them and the world, it’s not right. Besides, they are friends. Friends don’t like each other, do they?

“Is that some kind of game? Because two can play it.” He glimpses at her with a tilted smile in his face. Her expressions make him laugh inside him. _Who is she trying to kid?_ He thinks.

He stands from the seat and throws the umbrella away, not even caring about the rain wetting their clothes. He steps forward and grabs her face in between her hands, approaching her lips with his own and kissing them. He kisses her softly, although all he wants to do is bite her lips off her face. He has waited enough months for it, and he won’t stop until he’s satisfied.

“I like you.” He whispers against her lips, keeping his eyes closed. Seconds later, he opens them slowly, staring deeply into her eyes, a few inches from his face. “In fact, I fancy the pants off you, Rae Earl.” He laughs, biting his own lips in order to fight the temptation of kissing her again. “And I’m fine with you not liking me, but you don’t tell me who I can and cannot fancy, okay?” He points at her with his index finger, ending the conversation.

“I didn’t say…” He gives a step back, but then she grabs his hand, making him stay in front of her once again. “So, it’s not a joke, is it?” She grabs his shirt in her fist, not letting him go. Meanwhile, her other hand rests on his hip bone, where she begins to rub her fingertips through the clothing.

“What? No… Why would I…?”

She kisses him before he can finish the question. She kisses him because she doesn’t need to hear anything else from him. What he’s said is enough.

He smiles against the kiss, taking the chance to bite her plump lips and lick them with the tip of his tongue. His fingers catch some of her hair, which he locks behind her ear whilst caressing the hot skin of her cheeks with his thumbs. His body moves against hers, closing the distance between them, physically and emotionally.

“Do you like me, Mae?” He asks between kisses. They pause momentarily for breath to kissing. He tries to stop her lips from grabbing his own with the need of telling her the truth about all his notes. “Being friends with you is not enough for me. Not anymore…”

She answers him with another kiss, surrounding her arms around him. She caresses his back with her hands, noticing the wetness of the rain on the gap of skin not covered by his shirt. He shivers against her now, making her laugh during in his kisses. Rae removes her lips from his face for an instance, staring at his face with concern.

“You’re the one shivering now.”

“I’m sure you’ll keep me warm.” He answers her, staring at her longingly. He takes her by the chin, guiding his mouth to her neck and giving her soft kisses on the cold skin behind her ear. She lets a soft moan escape from her lips and Finn needing to feel her lips once more. He kisses her briefly, stopping the kiss and regaining his breath. He presses his forehead to hers, keeping his eyes closed, not wanting to see the reaction to the following question. “So, are you gonna give us a chance?”

 


End file.
